Sarah

Just won £100 on the premimum bonds! That's the only good thing that's happened to me in three years. Literally.

After a night of deliberations, I have decided to delete the mighty My Toes Will Never Be The Same forum. After four years, the fun had really started to go out of it as we seemed to spend more time bickering than laughing at bad stories. It didn't really help that I discovered that nearly all the members had been posting on TCC forum and not been particularly flattering in their description of me.

Quite frankly, I'm starting to grow out of the pathetic feud I assumed had finished over a year ago and am quite sick of drama mongerers who get a kick out of sowing seeds of dissention on what used to be a fun, laid back forum. I shall continue to review stories, but will no longer be writing or speaking with fellow members.

Words cannot express how much I detest David Cameron. From his smug face, randomly bleating 'change' as his campaign slogan and attacks on Gordon Brown which have no basis. I'd like to know what this 'change' is meant to be, because he hasn''t been too clear about it. You'd have a hard job to blame Brown for the WORLDWIDE recession and market crash, yet the moronic press are doing just that.

People really have a short memory; don't they remember what happened the last time the Conservatives were in power? They screwed the country and it took Labour years to set it straight. Anyone who votes for them is a brainless moron who has no will of their own and reads the papers as if they were The Bible.

Why exactly do people hate Gordon Brown? Much of what has happened is not his fault, and I'd love to see Cameron deal with it more effectively. He seems to blame Brown for the expenses scandal (conveniently forgetting his own polticians were as involved as the labour ones). The MP's also had a nerve blaming Michael Martin. How on earth was he meant to keep track of what they were claiming? And surely they have enough self-control to be able to temper their own greedy urges. Apparently not. He's the Speaker of the House of Commons, not a nanny.

It was the same with Blair, he got so much stick for the invasion of Iraq, but don't people realise it's best to keep the world's most powerful country as our closest ally? I'm pretty sure Blair knew what an idiot Bush was, and didn't really enjoy having to crawl up his arse, but had enough about him to put aside his pride and rise above all the critisism.

When David Cameron does come to power (and I suspect he will), I quite look forward to the idiots who voted for him regretting it whole heartedly. I don't want that man representing this country (even Obama hates him), and am ashamed that my fellow countrymen do.

Wow, long time no post. Lord of The Rings online was created by Satan to distract from his evil! (*cough*)
Just had to post this freaky advert for grey hair removal spray with the evil twins beacuse it's quite incredible. I can't believe anyone thought this was a good idea, it's scary and weird!

Am I the only person who's sick of reading about about Jade Goody's battle with cancer?

She's a vile, nasty bully and being ill doesn't change that. For once I agree with Jordan; she's cashing in on having cancer and using it to get the public on her side. My mum had cancer and dealt with it with admirable bravery and dignity. Millions of people over the world are battling cancer and other appalling diseases, it's an insult to them that she's using it for publicity and to make money (which she blatantly is). People who have fallen for it are naive morons.

And while I'm on the subject, is there a woman alive who would thank there man for a bottle of Jade Goody's perfume?

There's mayhem on the streets of Britain as the knife crime pandemic reaches a new high with nine teenagers being stabbed and killed within 24 hours of each other. But I can't help thinking that the Daily Express were a bit over dramatic with their conclusion-

It has left the streets of Britain flowing with blood

You can always rely on the press to calm down a situation.

 I witnessed possibly the funniest, grossest thing I'll ever see in my career yesterday. A man accidentally swallowed his crown and wanted us to... err... cement it back in. Yes, he had pooed it out, retrieved it from said poo and wanted us to refix it. The look on my dentist's face was priceless. I had to put a mask on I was laughing so much. Luckily Shami wasn't his proper dentist so she told him to come back on Monday to see his real dentist. 

Bloody priceless, better than the man who tried to scale his teeth with an electric drill.

Anyway, my internet is being as inconsistent as Gordon Brown, which is really getting on my tits

Got this wicked book yesterday called The Wit and Wisdom of British Prime Ministers. It's a book of all the British PM's since the 1700's and their most memorable speeches and quotes. Here's a few of my faves

Margaret Thatcher

I stand before you tonight in my green chiffon evening gown. The Iron Lady of the Western World. Me?

Clement Atlee

The House of Lords is like a glass of champagne, which has stood for five days

Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking

Russian Communism is the illegitimate child of Karl Marx and Catherine the Great

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians

Winston Churchill

We shall defend our island whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hill; we shall never surrender.

The Americans will do the right thing... after they're exhausted the alternatives

Mr Chamberlain loves the working man, he loves to see him work

Eating my words has never given me indigestion

I may be drunk madam, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly

David Lloyd George

On Neville Chamberlain: He saw foreign policy through the wrong end of a municiple drainpipe

A fully equipped Duke costs as much to maintain as two dreadnoughts and Dukes are just as great a terror, and they last longer.

Herbert Henry Asquith

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life

Benjamin Disraeli

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies and statistics

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me

Never complain and never explain

Many thanks for your book, I shall lose no time in reading it

Gladstone once said to Disraeli: I predict, Sir, that you shall die either by hanging, or some vile disease.' Disraeli replied: That depends, Sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress

Sir Robert Peel

In every village there will aise a miscreant to establish the most grinding tyranny by calling himself The People

William Lamb

To a Bishop who asked him to attend church twice on one day: 'Once is orthodox, twice if puritanical

Damn it ! Another Bishop dead! I believe they die to vex me

Arthur Wellesley

An extraordinary affair. I gave them orders and the wanted to stay and discuss them.

Spencer Perceval

I have nothing to say to the nothing that has been said.

William Pitt The Elder

Unlimited power is apt to corrupt the minds of those who possess it.

Really amazing compared to what American presidents say, which is basically 'DUH'

 

Hi! I'm in McDonalds again, written a load more of my latest 'masterpiece' at lunch. Still loads more to write, it's a lot of fun though. This network won't let me on ff.n, seriously sucks. I haven't seen my beloved forum for two days!

Long ago, in a 'verse called Ea,

There lived an Elf, who was really quite Fae

what is his name! I hear you cry,

his name was Feanor, this is no lie.

Child of Finwe and Miriel,

Arda's very first Firiel.

He consumed her from the inside out,

Of this there is but little doubt.

For Eru's light burned in him,

In fact, I shall go out on a limb

and say Nay!

Immortal life was given away!

For quite a while Finwe mourned,

during this time, Feanor got quite bored.

What about me! He would often say,

while in Lorien, Miriel did lay.

Upon a time, Finwe was called,

By Ingwe, most fair Lord,

King of the Vanyar, yes he was,

concerned although still at a loss.

Hoping to pull him out of his mood,

Finwe went to visit his brood,

Under the shade of Teniquetil.

When walking up a hill one day,

He happened on a maiden, or so they say.

Indis the Fair, this was her name,

Feanor thought she was quite a pain.

For marry yes indeed they did,

at this news Feanor swiftly hid,

for grieving still for his mother,

he had no love for Finwe's other.

Four fair children that pair had,

though Finwe was not a very good Dad,

neglect his children, indeed he did,

For Feanor, though he flipped his lid.

This is how his life was torn asunder,

and how he made a very great blunder,

Some called him mad,

some called him bad,

but he was certainly trapped,

as a matter of fact.

He took to wife Nerdanel the Wise,

some would say a very strange prize,

for fair his wife was certainly not,

although he thought she was really quite hot.

With hair of red, and skin quite ruddy,

little did she know his end would be bloody,

seven great sons she bore to him,

and all did commit some cardinel sins.

Here their names are sindarized,

for from my memory, cannot be prised,

their first names given upon their birth,

this could cause some merry mirth.

Here in no particular order,

are Feanor's sons,

unabridged with no border.

Maedros there was, and Celegorm fair,

this may be his face, or just his hair.

Amrod and Amras, the hunter twins,

they really had some lovely pins.

Caranthir the dark, and Curufin skilled of hand,

though not on sea, only land.

Last I name Maglor the singer,

for he really was a mighty bringer,

of songs so great, he was no minger.

Back to our tale I shall go,

for outside my window, it is starting to snow.

Once upon a fateful day,

Feanor pondered a genius way,

to capture the light of Laurelin,

and so does this tale really begin.

Eventually the Silmarils he did craft,

when finished all he did was laugh,

for fairer than those jewels was naught,

not even in Tifanny's could any be bought.

At first show them off he did,

in this he really was quite glib,

at feasts they sat upon his brow,

this did cause many to frown

though this is a guess,

I'm doing my best.

Morgoth released, he spread many lies,

among the Noldor, supposedly wise.

The Teleri and Vanyar would not give ear,

but their tale shall not be told here.

Morgoth wanted his cake, and to eat it too,

excuse me but I must go to the loo.

He wanted the Silmarils, this was his aim,

he though it would simple as a childs game.

But Feanor's mighty mind did pierce,

his true intentions and became quite fierce.

'Get thee gone jail-crow of Mandos!' He did cry,

he saw right through Morgoth's great lie.

Hello! Long time no write. My internet's gone down at home, so I am currently sitting in McDonalds on my old laptop, taking advantage of the free wifi and sipping on a medium coke. Yay me.

I have been very busy recently, taking full advantage of my talent for being an annoying cunt to whoever takes my fancy and generally causing chaos. The objects of my whims this last month has been The Creepy Crew (well, mainly Maiafay; it's always fun to wind her up) and the planks on F/R's forum. Saying they are as thick as two short planks would be giving them too much credit, I'd more liken them 6 month old custard- both thick and unpleasant. They're as easy to wind up as a jack in the box I had as a child, and thrice as amusing.

Apart from that, I've been working on a new poem, niftiliy entitled 'The World's Worst Silmarillion Poem. At the moment, I'm just working on Feanor, but I'd like to do the whole Silmarillion- a bit like a shit version of The Lays of Beleriand. Here's the  first draft (obviously need fleshing out, and there's a lot more to write), it was written during my lunch hour.

Long ago, in a 'verse called Ea,
There lived an Elf, who was really quite Fae

What is his name! I hear you cry,
his name was Feanor, this is no lie.

This is how his life was torn asunder,
and how he made a very great blunder.

Some called him mad,
some called him bad,
but he was certainly trapped,
as a matter of fact.

He took to wife Nerdanel the Wise,
some would say a very strange prize,
for fair his wife was certainly not,
although he thought she was really quite hot.

With hair of red, and skin quite ruddy,
little did she know his end would be bloody. 


Seven great sons she bore to him,
and all did commit some cardinel sins.

Here their names are sindarized,
for from my memory, cannot be prised,
their first names given upon their birth,
this could cause some merry mirth.

Here in no particular order, 
are Feanor's sons,
unabridged with no border.

Maedros there was, and Celegorm fair,
this may be his face, or just his hair.


Amrod and Amras, the hunter twins, 
they really had some lovely pins.

Caranthir the dark, and Curufin skilled of hand,
though not on sea, only land.

Last I name Maglor the singer, 
for he really was a mighty bringer,
of songs so great, he was no minger.

Back to our tale I shall go,
for outside my window, it is starting to snow.

Once upon a fateful day,
Feanor pondered a genius way,
to capture the light of Laurelin,
and so does this tale really begin.

Eventually the Silmarils he did craft,
when finished all he did was laugh, 
for fairer than those jewels was naught,
not even in Tifanny's could any be bought.

At first show them off he did,
in this he really was quite glib,

At feasts they sat upon his brow,
this did cause many to frown
though this is a guess,
I'm doing my best.

Morgoth released, he spread many lies,
among the Noldor, supposedly wise,


Upon a time, he went abroad,
seemingly as a fair Lord.


To Feanor was his most wrath given,
he poisoned his mind

This is all I've got so far, written in 40 minutes. After I'd finished, I was thinking in rhyme for the whole day.

There will always be the threat of The Horny Fanwoman hanging over us like the Sword of Damocles (except fatter, stupider and cuntier). Join this Facebook group and say NO! To your favourite characters being turned into sex obssesed beasts. NO! To smug self promotion. NO! To Tolkien being peverted to suit horny fantasies.

Join this group and maybe, just maybe, we can make a difference and fight back against the enemy of all that is beautiful about Tolkien's legendarium.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=14052428086

 

It's been very busy in the Bardverse this past week! I have discovered possibly the most annoying person in the history of man kind, and her name is...

Silver Hair-Angel.

Those familiar with my forum may remember me mentioning her as the one who 'Eats the shit from The Creepy Crew's arse' (which she does). I think I mentioned her about three times. The other day, I received this in my inbox-

Dear Bard...

Maybe I didn't accept your apology the first time around because you're too
dimwitted to unblock me. I have no intention or desire to spam your
shitastic forum.  the apology now; you are undeserving of it. And I'll die on a cross
to hell before I ever apologize to you. I've said no evil up until last
night
and I've done no evil to you. Yet it seems you cannot drop my name out of
your espaces. So who's really monitoring who, hmm?

And for the record, I don't read through your forum; all of the  things
you've said (and it's been far worse than calling me an arse kisser,
sweetheart) has been passed along to me by the 'immensely horrible' people I
hang around with.  And you've said far worse on your LJ, also passed through
word of mouth.  That's pretty slimy, if you ask me. Then again, I forget I'm
talking to a liar and a plagiarizer. 

Be disgusted with me for all I care; the same applies to you tenfold.

You have to marvel at her stupidity as she obviously doesn't know me very well. She is now having the piss taken out of her worse than Maiafay et al. I like to think of her as the one who holds the arms around peoples backs while the bullies kick the shit out of them. That combined with a very fragile ego and serious sensitivity issues makes for one.... Annoying person.

And yet another prat came onto the forum and made an idiot out of themselves, this went on for about two hours until she realised she couldn't outwit us and resorted to sexual obscenties, capital letters and chat-speak. Apparently she fancied herself as some famous flamer, unfortunately nobody had heard of her. I later found out she was one of the Creepy Crew.

I also was spammed with this message on the forum and every story of every chapter I have ever published

Read and laugh-

I've been dealing with death in the family, I don't have the fucking conviction to lie about anything.

I will rip your intestines out from your dirty asshole. I will feast upon any infants that you bear. I will mutilate your kin so badly that depleted uranium babies will look far more pleasant. I will take your pets and tear them in half, and run them over until they become one with the asphalt - blackened and smeared.

God would allow this, and I would be safe from the fiery limbo of torture. And why is that?

Because God hates you. God wants you to suffer for being such a brainless faggot. God is a masochistic bastard. He masturbates when your guts and fetuses are being fucked. You unloved insect.

You have no other choice. Just kill yourself. It's better being a dead piece of trash than a living piece of trash.

I'm sorry to bring this up again, but I can no longer contain myself. I'm so depressed it's not even funny. I can't do anything. I feel horrible for the people around me because they have to deal with me. Melissa's gone, she called and said she wasn't coming back. I just don't know what to do. I've got two kids and I don't know how to do this on my own. I can't eat, sleep, or do anything. Am I suppose to feel this way? Am I suppose to be so heart broken that I don't know what to do? I love her and I still do. I can't understand what's going on. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I should just crawl in hole and die... I don't know... I'll try to be normal, but I'm sorry to my friends and fellow Sins if I act badly out of sadness. I do have a history of depression and I'm going to start back on medication for a while. I ask people to please not talk too much about sex and relationships. This is hard enough as it is, and as I love to see you all happy, I'm way too sensitive right now to not blow a fuse. If anyone has any advice please help me. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I just want you to be there. Even though I don't know you guys in real life, what you say will help me. Thanks for being there.

I will rip your intestines out from your dirty asshole. I will feast upon any infants that you bear. I will mutilate your kin so badly that depleted uranium babies will look far more pleasant. I will take your pets and tear them in half, and run them over until they become one with the asphalt - blackened and smeared.

God would allow this, and I would be safe from the fiery limbo of torture. And why is that?

Because God hates you. God wants you to suffer for being such a brainless faggot. God is a masochistic bastard. He masturbates when your guts and fetuses are being fucked. You unloved insect.

You have no other choice. Just kill yourself. It's better being a dead piece of trash than a living piece of trash.

I've been dealing with death in the family, I don't have the fucking conviction to lie about anything.

I will rip your intestines out from your dirty asshole. I will feast upon any infants that you bear. I will mutilate your kin so badly that depleted uranium babies will look far more pleasant. I will take your pets and tear them in half, and run them over until they become one with the asphalt - blackened and smeared.

God would allow this, and I would be safe from the fiery limbo of torture. And why is that?

Because God hates you. God wants you to suffer for being such a brainless faggot. God is a masochistic bastard. He masturbates when your guts and fetuses are being fucked. You unloved insect.

You have no other choice. Just kill yourself. It's better being a dead piece of trash than a living piece of trash.

I'm sorry to bring this up again, but I can no longer contain myself. I'm so depressed it's not even funny. I can't do anything. I feel horrible for the people around me because they have to deal with me. Melissa's gone, she called and said she wasn't coming back. I just don't know what to do. I've got two kids and I don't know how to do this on my own. I can't eat, sleep, or do anything. Am I suppose to feel this way? Am I suppose to be so heart broken that I don't know what to do? I love her and I still do. I can't understand what's going on. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I should just crawl in hole and die... I don't know... I'll try to be normal, but I'm sorry to my friends and fellow Sins if I act badly out of sadness. I do have a history of depression and I'm going to start back on medication for a while. I ask people to please not talk too much about sex and relationships. This is hard enough as it is, and as I love to see you all happy, I'm way too sensitive right now to not blow a fuse. If anyone has any advice please help me. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I just want you to be there. Even though I don't know you guys in real life, what you say will help me. Thanks for being there.

I will rip your intestines out from your dirty asshole. I will feast upon any infants that you bear. I will mutilate your kin so badly that depleted uranium babies will look far more pleasant. I will take your pets and tear them in half, and run them over until they become one with the asphalt - blackened and smeared.

God would allow this, and I would be safe from the fiery limbo of torture. And why is that?

Because God hates you. God wants you to suffer for being such a brainless faggot. God is a masochistic bastard. He masturbates when your guts and fetuses are being fucked. You unloved insect.

You have no other choice. Just kill yourself. It's better being a dead piece of trash than a living piece of trash.

I've been dealing with death in the family, I don't have the fucking conviction to lie about anything.

I will rip your intestines out from your dirty asshole. I will feast upon any infants that you bear. I will mutilate your kin so badly that depleted uranium babies will look far more pleasant. I will take your pets and tear them in half, and run them over until they become one with the asphalt - blackened and smeared.

God would allow this, and I would be safe from the fiery limbo of torture. And why is that?

Because God hates you. God wants you to suffer for being such a brainless faggot. God is a masochistic bastard. He masturbates when your guts and fetuses are being fucked. You unloved insect.

You have no other choice. Just kill yourself. It's better being a dead piece of trash than a living piece of trash.

I'm sorry to bring this up again, but I can no longer contain myself. I'm so depressed it's not even funny. I can't do anything. I feel horrible for the people around me because they have to deal with me. Melissa's gone, she called and said she wasn't coming back. I just don't know what to do. I've got two kids and I don't know how to do this on my own. I can't eat, sleep, or do anything. Am I suppose to feel this way? Am I suppose to be so heart broken that I don't know what to do? I love her and I still do. I can't understand what's going on. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I should just crawl in hole and die... I don't know... I'll try to be normal, but I'm sorry to my friends and fellow Sins if I act badly out of sadness. I do have a history of depression and I'm going to start back on medication for a while. I ask people to please not talk too much about sex and relationships. This is hard enough as it is, and as I love to see you all happy, I'm way too sensitive right now to not blow a fuse. If anyone has any advice please help me. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I just want you to be there. Even though I don't know you guys in real life, what you say will help me. Thanks for being there.

I will rip your intestines out from your dirty asshole. I will feast upon any infants that you bear. I will mutilate your kin so badly that depleted uranium babies will look far more pleasant. I will take your pets and tear them in half, and run them over until they become one with the asphalt - blackened and smeared.

God would allow this, and I would be safe from the fiery limbo of torture. And why is that?

Because God hates you. God wants you to suffer for being such a brainless faggot. God is a masochistic bastard. He masturbates when your guts and fetuses are being fucked. You unloved insect.

You have no other choice. Just kill yourself. It's better being a dead piece of trash than a living piece of trash.

I've been dealing with death in the family, I don't have the fucking conviction to lie about anything.

I will rip your intestines out from your dirty asshole. I will feast upon any infants that you bear. I will mutilate your kin so badly that depleted uranium babies will look far more pleasant. I will take your pets and tear them in half, and run them over until they become one with the asphalt - blackened and smeared.

God would allow this, and I would be safe from the fiery limbo of torture. And why is that?

Because God hates you. God wants you to suffer for being such a brainless faggot. God is a masochistic bastard. He masturbates when your guts and fetuses are being fucked. You unloved insect.

You have no other choice. Just kill yourself. It's better being a dead piece of trash than a living piece of trash.

I'm sorry to bring this up again, but I can no longer contain myself. I'm so depressed it's not even funny. I can't do anything. I feel horrible for the people around me because they have to deal with me. Melissa's gone, she called and said she wasn't coming back. I just don't know what to do. I've got two kids and I don't know how to do this on my own. I can't eat, sleep, or do anything. Am I suppose to feel this way? Am I suppose to be so heart broken that I don't know what to do? I love her and I still do. I can't understand what's going on. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I should just crawl in hole and die... I don't know... I'll try to be normal, but I'm sorry to my friends and fellow Sins if I act badly out of sadness. I do have a history of depression and I'm going to start back on medication for a while. I ask people to please not talk too much about sex and relationships. This is hard enough as it is, and as I love to see you all happy, I'm way too sensitive right now to not blow a fuse. If anyone has any advice please help me. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I just want you to be there. Even though I don't know you guys in real life, what you say will help me. Thanks for being there.

I will rip your intestines out from your dirty asshole. I will feast upon any infants that you bear. I will mutilate your kin so badly that depleted uranium babies will look far more pleasant. I will take your pets and tear them in half, and run them over until they become one with the asphalt - blackened and smeared.

God would allow this, and I would be safe from the fiery limbo of torture. And why is that?

Because God hates you. God wants you to suffer for being such a brainless faggot. God is a masochistic bastard. He masturbates when your guts and fetuses are being fucked. You unloved insect.

You have no other choice. Just kill yourself. It's better being a dead piece of trash than a living piece of trash.

From what I can gather, someone died and 'Melissa' has left him (big shock there- probably realised he was a psycho freak)) with the two kids.

I laugh at him and weep for his offspring

I finally made it back to work! Bad news is I've been taken out of J.Lo's surgery good news is Mr N and Miss T are coming in and I don't have to deal with them! I was taking shit from patients on reception instead.

My favourite moments included 'I've got Toothache' 'What's the pain like?' 'The kind that hurts'. Another woman had a go at me because of our new prepay scheme (I've been coming here 30 years! Do you think I'm going to walk off without paying!' Mildly amusing, as long as you don't take it to heart and let it all slide over your head.

Good news is I've been offered a new job, working for a dentist in another practice, but within the same group. Apparently the dentist liked me so much, so specifically requested me! Think I'd miss J.Lo though, he's provided me with some hilarity over the past three years. His finest moments have defo been the ongoing 'Rhona' saga (who I call Rhonda), he's fancied her for 2 years, but hasn't had the courage to talk to her, even though they go to the same church. He's tried to hang around after Church trying to work up the courage to talk to her (once he even hung around while she was looking in her boot)

 The first time he made proper contact was when he got her number from the Church directory and texted her asking if she wanted to come round for dinner (I think I called him a stalker idiot who didn't know anything about women). She didn't reply. Bless him. He wrote her a letter and posted it a few weeks ago (even though I told him not to) asking if she wanted to come round to eat (he'd managed to have a few strangled conversations between then and now), and she actually turned up! I nearly died of shock! I managed to talk him out of cooking her a full Sunday Roast, which was what he had originally planned. Apparently, she's been coming round for dinner a few times, no action yet though :( I should really try and find a picture of him...

Psycho baby killing freak latest! One of my sources tells me it wasn't Laura-Shi who created the hysterical Encyclopedia Dramatica page, but it was none other than The Creepy Crew, aka Randy Oh (aka Jael Beruthiel, ThranduilOrephionRedux, RandyOh, Ignoble Bard), Maifay (aka Claudio 007, Pretty Red Fire Hydrant, Purity and Light (that one is bloody ironic), Nierial Raina (aka We'll Run For Our Lives),  Aislynn Crowdaughter and the mates of their official arse kisser, Silver-Hair Angel, who can be found on forum six of the general section (they actually call themselves The Seven Swords, no joke).

More spamming last night on the forum. It's really funny, because it must take so much effort to set up the accounts and post them, and it takes less than a minute to delete the post and block the accounts.

I also had a threat yesterday that they had my personal details,and were planning on coming to England to kick the baby out of me *snort*

This begs the question what exactly Lauri-Shi did to me and Bereft to 'get us back'

Has anyone else noticed the popstar Robyn's startling likeness to Gollum?



       Robyn                           Gollum

I've finally found the culprit for that ency drama page!

Read and laugh- http://angelstar3999.livejournal.com/94586.html?view=146042#t146042

Bask in the irony of someone who calls me nasty, then dedicates a whole article to abusing me culminating in her wishing my unborn baby dead. This is a direct quote from the article-

Human race, the planet is now fucked.

All that's left to do is pray that the bastard kid either claws its way out too early, or someone Falcon punches The Battling Bard. Failing that, coathanger.

Predictions of child's future

Escape from the bitch!
Infanticide
Faggotry

And there even a pretty picture!

What we recommend for the slut

Kind of hard to take the moral high ground after that; the words irony squared spring to mind. Now I am more apt to find this amusing than spend days sobbing into my pillow, honestly, if I went completely psychotic eveytime someone dissed one of my fics, I'd never get anything done.

And for the record, I don't wonder why everyone on ff.n hates me, I know perfectly well why they do; because I am the antichrist of flamers and the love child of Morgorth and Ungoliant!

Oh. My. God.

I'm famous!!! FAMOUS!! My ego has just skyrocketed to another dimension.

Not even Flame Rising has one of these-

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/The_Battling_Bard

 

Horny fanwomen are total fucking arseholes, and deserve our utter contempt. The only people who like yaio and mpreg were touched by their uncle and breast fed until the age of thirteen.

Reasons I hate fucking horny fanwomen-

1) They twist canon to suit their slashy desires. Just because Tolkien didn't state the characters weren't homosexual- doesn't mean they are. He assumed his readers weren't sex obsessed morons.

2) They whine that the HET genre opresses them, despite the fact there are only two HET exclusive sites and hundreds for slash

3) They pass over how a male can have a birth canal and a womb in favour of puke inducing scenes with a 'caring' Aragorn holding Legolas's hair back while he vomits into an elven toilet

4) They keep clogging the internet with stupid pictures of male characters having sex. This is SICK!

5) They accuse everyone who hates slash of being homophobic

6) They epitomise everything that is wrong with our fandom with their twisted visions of hobbit/elf/man/wizard orgies

7) The Fanmen keep churing out highly offensive and disgusting rape stories and are obviously serial killers, rapists and touch their niece/daughter

8) They keep writing self insert stories of themselves having sex with a canon character.

9) They write stories about their friends having sex with canon characters.

10) They keep writing ridiculous modern day stories where the elf-maids have faded and the elves need them to satisfy their libido's.

11) They think elves lust after mortal women and their unsightly wobbly bits.

12) They think elves are obssesed with sex despite Tolkien saying they only had sex during marriage and stopped after they had children

13) They think all men in Middle-earth are evil and lecherous and hate elves

14) They have lots of fellow sex obsessed fans who are pathetic whiny bints

15) They think Thranduil is a slash obssesed incest brute and likes to dominate women

16) They keep writing stories about how Erestor needs Glorfindel to 'save him'

17) There is no character they won't subject to their assasination, no matter how holy/venerated/young/evil/disgusting the character is

18) They think orcs like raping everything

19) Their tiny brains can't distinguish between loving someone and being in love with someone.

20) Their inability to make sense and seperate these emotions makes them psycopaths

21) They are all in-bred as they think it's totally normal for cousins to be shagging. That's why they have so much time to write this stuff. They have to stay in the house so as not to scare people with their enormous facial growths and extra limbs

Anyone who is/sticks up for the fanwomen will earn my utter contempt.

I don't think this question merits an answer.

Lost my PSP  today (yes- I am 24), turned my whole room upside down, nada. I've got a feeling Jai's taken it to work and lost it. On the plus side I've recently found a shit load of stories I'm loving-

Best Leomance ever written-

http://www.openscrolls.net/fanfic/story.php?no=187&chap=1

Brilliant action/adventure story starring a non-canon mortal woman and an elf-

http://www.openscrolls.net/fanfic/story.php?no=759

Proof that major AU fics can turn into triumphs-

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2400761/1/A_Singular_Honour

And another from a writer so unsung it beggars belief

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3053805/1/Whispers_of_the_Breeze

This one cracks me up-

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3321236/1/True_Pure_Love

One of the best Sue Parody's ever written

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2709642/1/Sincerely_Yours

The antidote for crappy Legolas poems-

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2047755/1/The_Song_of_Mary_Sue

Hysterical, and check out the review from one of the Creepy Crew-

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1673442/1/Wrong_Legolas

Another brilliant Sue parody

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1448659/1/The_Truth_From_the_Mortal_Wife_of_Prince_Legolas

#35 Today, 10:26am